Recently, I had the opportunity to interview Submissive Cupcake, a professional submissive at Los Angeles BDSM dungeon Sanctuary Studios LAX, whom I met at the 2015 Adult Entertainment Expo. Submissive Cupcake offered me a fascinating and insightful look into the BDSM lifestyle as well as sharing her own personal story.
C.J. Asher – Tell me about yourself and your experience in the BDSM lifestyle.
Submissive Cupcake – Let’s see…I guess I’d always been into BDSM for as long as I could remember, before I even had an official label to give it. I remember the first time I had sex thinking “Wow, this is what people write and sing and lust over? How boring…” It wasn’t until I came across reading material like The Story of O, The Beauty Series, and Marquis de Sade and Masoch von Leopold before it dawned on me that intimacy didn’t necessarily require sex and even so could be expressed in a multitude of ways. I began experimenting with boyfriends, and came across lifestyle reading material and eventually got around to going to my first munches and events. I was attending a lot of events at Sanctuary, a dungeon based in Los Angeles for a while to the point where someone jokingly mentioned I should just work for them. I applied to be a submissive there and the rest is uphill from there. I’ve been able to learn so much about myself in terms of who I am and being able to push myself in ways I’d never imagined being able to do. I also learned a lot about the community and, as cliché as it sounds, have found a place where I’ve felt more at home and more myself than any other environment – even around family!
C.J. Asher – How old are you, Submissive Cupcake?
Submissive Cupcake – Immortal! Joking, I’m 20 but based on what role I play during sessions, sometimes I can go from looking very young to acting as if I’m in my late 30s in a heart beat.
C.J. Asher – Is being a submissive a full-time job for you?
Submissive Cupcake – Unfortunately it’s not – though I’d love to eventually be able to immerse myself one day! For now, I’m a personal assistant, a secretary, and an IT assistant for a computer lab.
C.J. Asher – How long have you been into the BDSM scene?
Submissive Cupcake – 3 years, however I found myself researching and reading about BDSM and the community at large from a much earlier time.
C.J. Asher – What first attracted you to the BDSM lifestyle?
Submissive Cupcake – The use of pain as a mean of catharsis…as well as the necessity of openness in order to keep scenes and dynamics flowing smoothly, and the release of being able to let someone you care about make decisions for you, and serving them in return. I also really enjoyed that one can have a high level of intimacy with someone without having sex with them. Not to say it’s not icing on the cake with certain people! But I just find it so fascinating how you can get whipped and spanked by someone for hours, have them tap into your deepest and sometimes darkest fears and desires for hours.. and then at the end of it all, to have them look you in the eye and reassure you that you’re accepted while they stroke your hair? The process of it all and the aftercare that goes with it is just such a beautiful thing.
C.J. Asher – How do you define your own level and style of “kink”?
Submissive Cupcake – I would definite myself as a masochistic little. While there’s not many things in the lifestyles I’m not into, I have a theory that everyone has that one or two major things they gravitate towards enjoying more than others. In my case, it’s mixing my love of age play, (role playing a younger state to -in my case- enhance my perception of my partner and I’s power dynamics), with my love of being physically and psychologically spanked, hit, battered and so on by someone I care about and trust to help me in my masochistic tendencies in a safe manner. I love bruises and edgeplay (choking, knives, needles, degradation, etc.) and generally “hardcore heavy” stuff, but I also love wearing cute little nighties and clinging to a teddy bear while these things happen.
C.J. Asher – How has Fifty Shades of Grey impacted your industry, both positively and negatively?
Submissive Cupcake – Urgh, such a loaded question. With anything that sheds light on an aspect that the majority may not be aware of, it’s a lovely platform where we can begin having conversations about things that we wouldn’t have been able to speak of years ago. On the other hand it worries me that it may perpetuate the idea that non consensual psychological and physical abuse are romance and that many people may harm themselves in the journey of seeking something that Anastasia had. Just like with any group, there’s always predators waiting to take advantage of those who are unaware and I would hate to see that happen. With so many dialogues being opened about the subject of BDSM though, I lovingly equate it to giving a child applesauce, seeing how they enjoy it, and then moving them on to more solid food. We all have to start somewhere, and hopefully those who enter the lifestyle will be able to differentiate between abusers and aiders.
C.J. Asher – What advice do you have for anyone who would like to explore the BDSM lifestyle but may not know how to start?
Submissive Cupcake – I would strongly advise them to read as many lifestyle books as possible, and joining Fetlife and other sites where there is a heavy emphasis on community and learning. Fetlife is pretty much like a kinky version of Facebook and it’s a great way to network, find classes, events, and munches in your area, as well as join groups about things that interest you and learn and discuss further about them! I know many people who are initially too shy to venture out, and so reading materials about scene etiquette, and the different dynamics of BDSM and so on may help a new person learn more about what they think they’d enjoy. Afterwards, if they felt more comfortable I’d advise them to attend their local munch, which is pretty much when kinky people gather at a non-kinky venue (most of the time it’s usually an eating establishment) and discuss their kinks, swap advice on toy making and trying out certain scenarios, and meet new friends. Then classes, and lastly parties. There’s always fun events but the connections and knowledge that one can find at munches and classes generally make for a nice starting platform into the lifestyle. I was lucky enough to make friends at a local munch when I first entered the scene and they took me to my first event. It made a world of difference for me being in a new environment with a group of people I knew as opposed to if I had gone alone!
C.J. Asher – Have you, or would you, ever consider a more dominant role, either with clients or in your personal life?
Submissive Cupcake – Oh goodness no…I’m always too afraid of hurting someone the wrong way, and I have the assertiveness of a wet paper bag!
C.J. Asher – How long have you been with Sanctuary LAX?
Submissive Cupcake – I started in June of 2014.
C.J. Asher – How do you incorporate your own sexuality and personality into your BDSM sessions?
Submissive Cupcake – It varies based on what a client wishes. I’m generally a giggly and smiley person, but sometimes I get requests for more intense sessions and I love putting myself into a more solemn mindset to please.
C.J. Asher – Are you available for sessions outside of Sanctuary LAX?
Submissive Cupcake – Unfortunately not, however for those far from the LA area, I also do web cam work for KinkLive.com! My username is Cupcakes-and-Cum and I try to be on as often as possible.
C.J. Asher – I see on your Sanctuary LAX profile that you like to dress up and have themed outfits… what do you enjoy dressing up as?
Submissive Cupcake – I primarily enjoy dressing as a little girl! If it’s pink, has frills, glitter, or cartoons on it then I’m in love with it. My favorite outfit is a little purple nightie with the Disney princess on it, and it had purple tulle on the hem and sleeves.
C.J. Asher – Who is your role model in the BDSM community?
Submissive Cupcake – That’s a toughie! I’m one of those people who believes that everyone has something worth admiring and learning from and I’ve come across so many people in my journey who have contributed in some aspect or another. Off the top of my head, people I can always learn from in any capacity as well as for their overall knowledge and skills would definitely be Mistress Melissa, Mistress Cyan, and Count Boogie. I’d also mention Master Gabriel, for being head of a household dynamic that I would love to emulate with people I care about in the future – he is head of a poly household and there’s such a strong network of communication and love that I’m sometimes hard pressed to find in monogamous relationships. I’d also add Caddy Compson and Asa Chaste for their skills as heavy bottoms – they push themselves in ways that I admire and would love to work up to in the future!
C.J. Asher – What personal fetishes do you have and enjoy experimenting with?
Submissive Cupcake – So many! I definitely enjoy whips, spankings, knife and breath play, as well as face slapping, age play, and just general service oriented submission. I’m always open to experimenting though, as I always feel the need to try something out before I decide it’s not for me, so I’m constantly adding things to the list!
C.J. Asher – What’s the craziest request you’ve ever received during your BDSM experiences, and did you fulfill it?
Submissive Cupcake – Hmm…in person things are pretty mild, but I was web camming on KinkLive.com once, and someone wanted me and the girl I was camming with at the time to pretend that she had kidnapped me, tied me up, and was going to eat me! Even though I’d read of it, I’d never encountered someone with a cannibal fetish. That was rather…interesting! We were supposed to be solemn and I was supposed to act scared but I kept saying things like “I don’t think Betty Crocker would approve of this recipe!!” while trying to “convince” her not to eat me and I don’t think I was very successful at making my giggles sound like crying. In my defense the rope was super tickly though!