Within the last few years, a controversial group of websites have been popping up that are looking to rapidly change the online dating landscape for many like-minded individuals. Websites such as SeekingArrangement.com, WhatsYourPrice.com and ArrangementFinders.com are actively promoting the sugar daddy and sugar baby lifestyles, matching wealthy, successful and generous sugar daddies with attractive younger sugar babies for cash, cars, apartments and much more in what is commonly referred to as an “arrangement.”
So, what is this “arrangement” thing all about, anyway?
In what is referred to as a “mutually beneficial arrangement” by users of these sites, a wealthy benefactor, known as a “sugar daddy” (or in the case of a female benefactor, a “sugar mommy”), supports and provides for, through mostly financial means, a “sugar baby,” in exchange for time, companionship and more. Most commonly, an arrangement will take place between a wealthy professional older male and a younger, attractive female in her college years up to her early 30’s. An arrangement can take on a variety of forms depending on the wants and needs of both the sugar daddy and the sugar baby. Arrangements can be as short as one night (on the website WhatsYourPrice.com you can bid on single dates) or can last for many months or years. Sugar daddy needs also can range from something as simple as a night out on the town to as complex as an international traveling companion or live-in girlfriend. In terms of compensation, sugar babies are drawn to these sites for a variety of benefits… everything from an allowance of a few hundred dollars so they can pay off their bills to extravagant shopping trips, designer clothes and even having apartments and cars paid for them. In brief, an arrangement is whatever you and your sugar daddy or sugar baby make it out to be… no two arrangements are ever alike and some can even change and evolve over time.
Oh, so being a sugar baby is like being an escort or prostitute, right?
Actually, no. Prostitution is the exchange of money or other items of value for sexual services. Arrangements can take on many forms which don’t necessarily involve any type of sexual activity whatsoever, such as having someone to casually date, a traveling companion, or even an arrangement in which the benefactor serves as a mentor to a younger sugar baby, not only offering financial assistance but advice and guidance in matters related to their career or personal finances. Arrangements can go far beyond one night-affairs or clandestine hotel room meetings; they can be fulfilling short-term or long-term relationships.
So, what can I expect from an arrangement?
As a former sugar daddy myself, I can tell you that I’ve been on dozens of dates and have had several rewarding and fun short-term arrangements. For me, I’ve looked for sugar babies to casually date… take out for evenings, go on short trips together with and have a companion that I’ll keep in touch with regularly. I’ve had the financial means to be generous, but never enough to outright support a sugar baby completely, which hasn’t been a problem with some of the women I’ve met through the site.
Throughout my experiences as well as from speaking with many sugar babies, I’ve developed a list of suggestions for sugar daddies and sugar babies to follow when contemplating or starting an arrangement:
1. Unless you’re only planning on meeting for one night, never start an allowance on the first date. Before I meet a potential sugar baby in person, I always tell them that I won’t start an arrangement on the first date. I always see the first date, usually just a casual dinner at a nice restaurant, as an opportunity for us to get to know each other better and discuss our wants and needs in an arrangement. Also, I want to know that we can stand being around each other for more than five minutes. If a sugar baby expects to start an allowance on the first date it’s a big red flag, since they are more concerned with the financial gains than compatibility in an arrangement. Showing generosity through giving a lot up front may seem like a good way to prove your sugar daddy loyalty, but remember that if the chemistry isn’t there then you may never see them again. Whenever a sugar baby tells me that her time is valuable and she wishes to be compensated (which it certainly is, as is everyone’s), I always tell them that even the most expensive attorneys will offer a free initial consultation to potential clients.
2. Don’t take what a sugar daddy or sugar baby says at face value… trust comes with time! As with more traditional online dating sites, always be careful when dealing with a stranger on the other end of an internet connection. Websites such as SeekingArrangement.com only cost $70.00 per month for their basic packages for sugar daddies and sugar babies are free, which means that almost anyone can post a profile and state whatever they want about themselves or their personal finances to deceive and mislead someone. It’s good to give people the benefit of the doubt, but be cautious in accepting promises from someone you haven’t even met yet.
3. Communication is key. To have a successful arrangement, both the sugar daddies and sugar babies need to be upfront about what they have to offer and what they’re looking for in return. An honest conversation about your desires will be a lot more comfortable than finding out your arrangement partner isn’t on the same page as you later.
4. Don’t forget the “mutually beneficial” part of an arrangement. One of the most common reasons for arrangements failing is that one person expects a lot and doesn’t want to provide in return. In other words, just because your sugar daddy is wealthy or your sugar baby has a lot of free time it doesn’t mean you should try to pump as much out of them without any consideration for their thoughts, feelings or needs. Remember, both you and your partner in the arrangement have expectations that need to be met for the arrangement to continue. If you go in with the attitude that you’re going to try to get the most out of another person without offering very little or anything in return, you’ll quickly drive the other person away.
5. Only you can determine your own value. One of the common questions I’ve had potential sugar babies ask me is “how much are you willing to provide?” While it is a legitimate question (especially because you don’t want to waste your time if one person isn’t comfortable with financial expectations), consider your own circumstances and needs as well as what you can provide to a sugar daddy or sugar baby in return.
6. Sugar babies, never rely on your sugar daddies… be strong and independent! Many sugar babies enter into arrangements thinking that all their wants and needs are going to be met indefinitely. The best relationships are ones in which you aren’t dependent on your sugar daddy, but whose generosity helps support you in your own personal growth and development. Never rely on your sugar daddies to support you or put yourself in a position where you depend on them for a home, a car or your material possessions. An arrangement can end at any time, leaving you homeless and broke if you depend solely on another person to support you and you aren’t financially prepared for the arrangement to end.
7. Respect your bodies! Just because you may be an attractive individual, it doesn’t mean you should be required or expected to engage in any sexual activity simply because you are someone’s sugar baby. Be honest about what you’re willing to do and not willing to do with your partner, but remember that it’s your body and your choices, no matter how much someone may offer you (or has already given you) to do something outside of your comfort zone.
8. Be honest about your relationship status and expectations. Are you married, in an open relationship, casually seeing other people, or as single as it gets? What about your sugar daddy or sugar baby? Being honest about your relationship status and expectations are important, as you may not want to find out later on that you were dating someone who is in an exclusive committed relationship or, worse, that your sugar daddy or sugar baby wants a greater commitment than you are willing to give. As much as you may want to marry the sugar daddy or sugar baby of your dreams, make sure they want the same thing as you.
Despite some of the warnings given above, an arrangement can be a fun and exciting experience that fulfills needs, such as being pampered by a rich sugar daddy or having an attractive sugar baby to escape your hectic career with, that a traditional relationship may not allow. A little honesty in the beginning of an arrangement can go a long way towards a fulfilling experience for both of you.